While we hope you have good relationships with everyone you work with, chances are you have one or more employees, bosses or coworkers with whom your relationship is strained. Depending on personalities and workplace culture, this strain may show up as anything from mild underlying tension to frequent and open arguments.
Simply avoiding the subject—or the person—may feel like an easy solution. However, doing so can impede productivity, reduce individual and team effectiveness and drain your mental and emotional resources.
Regardless of the severity of the discord you’re experiencing, we believe that keeping workplace relationships in the best shape possible is vital to your happiness, performance and long-term success.
Below are six steps for getting—and keeping—your workplace relationships in top shape.
1. Commit to Investing in Your Relationships
At work, many of us focus on the “hard stuff” like tasks, deliverables and the bottom line, while neglecting the “soft stuff” like relationship-building, authentic dialogue and emotional intelligence. Yet, just like relationships with friends or family, workplace relationships require time and effort to maintain.
The first step to repairing a relationship is recognizing that it’s not something you’re simply subjected to—it’s something you actively create. Decide to make resolving tension and creating opportunities for growth a priority in your work life. Doing so brings benefits such as increased respect, cooperation and collaboration—and can make going to work a much more pleasant experience.
2. Recognize When There’s a Problem
Sometimes we’re so busy—or so accustomed to strained relationships—that we don’t even notice there’s an issue that needs attention.
Pay attention to your internal cues:
- – Do you feel tense around a certain coworker?
- – Does something feel “off” in your interactions?
- – Are you faking your way through conversations?
- – Do you find yourself talking negatively about them?
If so, there’s likely an issue worth addressing.
We may tell ourselves we’re being “the bigger person” by letting things go, but lingering discomfort often turns into resentment and does further damage. A simple rule of thumb: if it’s bothering you or something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably worth addressing. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve let something go when you’re really holding a silent grudge.
3. Have the Conversation
Once you recognize there’s an issue, the next step is to talk about it openly and honestly. As simple as that sounds, we know how uncomfortable it can be.
Maybe the incident happened a while ago and feels awkward to bring up. Maybe you’re worried the other person won’t be receptive, or you’re hesitant to show vulnerability at work. Despite the discomfort, we encourage you to push yourself outside your comfort zone and have the conversation anyway.
If work is hectic, don’t wait for the “perfect” moment. Ask to schedule time to talk. Make it clear—before or during the conversation—that having a good working relationship matters to you and that you want to improve things together. Addressing issues early, even small ones, pays dividends in improved teamwork and cohesion. And the good news is, these conversations get easier with practice.
4. Keep an Open Mind
From your perspective, the issue may feel like a clear injustice. From the other person’s perspective, it may look completely different—and there may be parts of the story you don’t yet know.
Approach the conversation with curiosity and give the other person the benefit of the doubt regarding their intentions. Let go of the need to be “right” and adopt a collaborative mindset. Rather than making accusations or seeking an admission of guilt, focus on learning how the other person sees the situation.
This requires clarity of intention, because your tone, body language and approach will clearly communicate whether you’re genuinely open to their perspective—or not.
5. Take Responsibility
Just as there’s likely more to the other person’s story, it’s also likely that you contributed to the situation in some way. As tempting as it may be to blame others while absolving ourselves, this is rarely an accurate assessment.
We believe in taking responsibility 100% of the time. That means committing to identify your contribution and owning it fully. When addressing the issue, demonstrate this by sharing your role openly and apologizing if appropriate.
This can be especially difficult when you feel wronged or crave validation. However, taking responsibility first often creates the space for the other person to do the same.
6. Focus on the Future
Ideally, your conversation will lead to full resolution, mutual understanding and strengthened trust. While this does happen, it’s not always the outcome.
Even if the other person doesn’t fully meet you where you hoped, it’s still time to shift your focus forward. Decide to leave the past in the past and concentrate on how you can work better together going forward.
Collaborate on steps you can each take to prevent similar issues in the future. Establish working agreements and extend goodwill by following through on your commitments.
Final Thoughts
We hope you’ll commit to investing in your workplace relationships and take the lead in addressing issues that prevent effective collaboration. Remember that our individual actions contribute not only to our relationships, but also to the broader culture of the organizations we work in.
If you want a healthier workplace, do your part by keeping your relationships in top shape.
