We often use The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team model by Patrick Lencioni when we work with teams. When we present it to the leaders we work with, we often see the proverbial lightbulb go off.
They’re often blown away by how simple the model is and make comments like:
“That’s all there is to it?”
“You know, somehow I feel like I always knew that!”
“We can do that!”
Like a golfer who thinks he’s Tiger Woods in his prime after hitting a few good shots, we cautiously remind them that while the model is simple, it isn’t always easy to implement. In truth, it takes dedication, effort and hard work to change habits and ingrained patterns of behavior—just like it takes years of practice and repetition to become a golf pro.
Perhaps more importantly, it takes a substantial leap of faith to stretch outside one’s comfort zone and do things we wouldn’t normally do.
“But have no fear,” we say. “We’re right here to help guide you through the process.”
And then we dive right in.
The Foundation: Trust
We begin with the foundation of Lencioni’s model: trust.
And then reality sets in.
Lencioni is very clear that the trust he’s referring to is not the predictive kind of trust you develop when you know someone well enough to reliably anticipate their behavior. Rather, he’s talking about vulnerability-based trust—and more often than not, this is where people start to feel uneasy.
“How vulnerable is too vulnerable?” they ask.
Most of us grew up with the idea that in order to be taken seriously and get ahead, we must never show signs of weakness—“never let them see you sweat.”
For many, that means:
- – We must always be calm
- – In control
- – Strong
- – And always have the answers (or at least appear to)
So when someone suggests that vulnerability is required to build a high-functioning, cohesive team, it feels like a direct violation of the rules many of us have lived by. And worse, we’re asking people to do it right now.
You can often feel the resistance. The brakes screech.
What Vulnerability Is (and Isn’t)
As scary as it sounds, Lencioni is absolutely right. In order to perform at our best—individually and collectively—we must be willing to drop the façade and show our true selves, warts and all.
After walking many teams through this process, it’s become clear that much of the fear around vulnerability stems from a misunderstanding of what vulnerability actually is.
When people hear the word, they often picture:
- – Crying uncontrollably
- – Wild emotional outbursts
- – Spreading personal issues all over the office
- – Turning work into a 40-hour-a-week therapy session
They worry that the organization will spend so much time tending to feelings that productivity will collapse entirely.
Of course, this is an extreme—and highly unlikely—worst-case scenario. Once examined in the light of day, it loses much of its power.
To be clear: those behaviors are not vulnerability. They are not, and should never become, acceptable workplace behavior.
Two Important Distinctions
Vulnerability vs. Drama
There is a significant difference between vulnerability and drama.
We’ve all encountered Drama Kings and Queens who justify hurtful comments, emotional outbursts or manipulative behavior under the banner of “just being honest.” These behaviors are not only dysfunctional—they’re often used to intimidate or control others.
True vulnerability still requires professionalism, discretion and tact. It means sharing appropriately, communicating thoughtfully and remaining respectful—even when conversations are difficult.
Isolated Incidents vs. Patterns of Behavior
Everyone has an occasional bad day at work. Sometimes people reach a boiling point. Sometimes they’re overwhelmed by personal or professional issues. Sometimes words come out wrong.
Before labeling someone as “out of control” or dysfunctional, it’s important to take the long view. Is this an isolated incident—or a recurring pattern?
If it’s a one-time occurrence, extend grace and help the person develop a more constructive way to express vulnerability in the future. If it’s a pattern, it may be time to consider whether the individual is truly a good fit for the team.
What Vulnerability Really Looks Like
What Lencioni suggests is actually quite simple:
- – Acknowledge your weaknesses
- – Admit your mistakes
- – Be willing to apologize
- – Be unguarded and genuine
- – Ask for input
- – Get to know one another more personally
This is a far cry from the dysfunction people fear. In fact, those who practice genuine vulnerability often experience emotional relief and deeper interpersonal connection—freeing them up to be far more productive and effective than they imagined.
Final Thoughts
If being more vulnerable at work feels scary, take an honest look at your fears and remember what vulnerability is—and is not. Even after letting go of extreme scenarios, you may still feel legitimate concerns like embarrassment or fear of looking foolish.
To those concerns, we say: take the leap anyway.
The rewards are well worth the risk. Your team will likely see you in a new—and better—light, one that allows you to move forward together and achieve real results.
