Although we all want our interactions with those we work with to be harmonious and cooperative, sometimes workplace conflict is unavoidable. We have presented steps you can take to prevent unnecessary conflict—but what can you do to get the best results once a conflict has already broken out?
The good news is that conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. When handled thoughtfully, it can become an opportunity for clarity, understanding and stronger working relationships.
6 Tips for Making Conflict Productive
1. Take a Break to Regain Calm and Peace of Mind
For most people, conflict is uncomfortable and can trigger a wide range of emotions. When we’re at odds with someone, we may feel frustration, fear or anger. These emotions flood our brains with powerful neurochemicals, making it difficult to think clearly—and this often shows up in our words and behavior.
To get the best results in any conflict, make sure you’re approaching the situation from a place of calm and centeredness. If strong emotions are present, don’t act. Instead, step back until you can regain composure. Research using biofeedback shows that it takes most people approximately 20 minutes for heart rate and nervous system activity to return to normal after being triggered by conflict—and even longer if we continue to brood or ruminate.
Take a walk, talk things over with a friend, or engage in mindfulness practices until strong feelings subside. Then, make a plan for how to address the issue more effectively.
2. Respond with Curiosity Rather Than Defensiveness
Even after hundreds of years of evolution, we are still largely governed by our fight-or-flight response. When someone disagrees with us or criticizes us, our instinct is often to defend ourselves immediately.
Conflict causes defenses to rise. While proving someone wrong may feel satisfying in the moment, defensiveness often prevents conflict from reaching a productive resolution.
Instead of jumping to defend your position, approach the other person with curiosity. Focus on understanding where they’re coming from rather than proving your point. Let your guard down and ask questions to better understand why they feel and see things the way they do.
3. Look for Truth in the Other Person’s Position
Even when you initially disagree with someone, take time to put yourself in their shoes. When you do, you can often find some validity in what they’re saying.
By acknowledging and validating their viewpoint, you make it easier for them to relax their grip on their argument and become more open to hearing your perspective. Look for areas of agreement and establish common ground as the foundation for a shared solution.
4. Clarify the Areas You Don’t Agree Upon
Once both perspectives have been shared and common ground established, it’s time to identify the areas of disagreement. Making these differences explicit creates clarity around what actually needs to be resolved.
As you clarify, you may even discover that you’re aligned on issues you initially thought were points of conflict.
Spend time exploring the why behind the disagreement. People often enter conflict focused on a preferred solution. When you dig deeper into the needs driving those solutions, you may find multiple ways to meet those needs.
5. Engage in Joint Problem Solving
By this point, you’ve likely built trust and a sense of shared purpose. Now it’s time to work together to find solutions that address both parties’ needs.
Invite the other person to brainstorm with you. It can be helpful to introduce a basic brainstorming rule: allow all ideas to be shared without immediate judgment. Separating idea generation from idea evaluation encourages creativity and openness.
Continue exploring options until you arrive at a solution you can both live with.
6. Be Willing to Apologize When Needed
Finally, if at any point you realize that you contributed to the conflict in some way—and it’s almost inevitable that you did—take ownership by apologizing.
A sincere apology, even for something small like miscommunication or leaving out an important detail, can go a long way toward rebuilding trust and repairing relationships.
Final Thoughts
Conflict is an unavoidable part of working with others, but it doesn’t have to derail relationships or productivity. When approached with calm, curiosity, and a willingness to collaborate, conflict can become a catalyst for understanding and progress rather than division.
