Emotional intelligence. Research over the last few decades increasingly shows its importance to success at work and in life. In fact, statistics demonstrate that people of average intelligence with high EQ are often far more successful than those with high intelligence and low emotional intelligence. Although intellect was long assumed to be a primary factor in one’s ability to climb the corporate ladder, evidence shows that it cannot be considered a reliable indicator of present or future success.
Our experience working with leaders and teams confirms this to be true. On the road to helping our clients develop healthier organizations, one of the biggest obstacles we encounter is a lack of emotional intelligence. Having even one team member with low emotional skills can significantly impact a team’s overall health, productivity and effectiveness. And when the person with low EI holds a position of power or influence, it can prevent an organizational health initiative from ever getting off the ground.
If you are a current or aspiring leader, you are likely familiar with the concept of emotional intelligence. In fact, when you look around your team, you can probably point out those who have it—and those who don’t. The problem is, there’s a strong likelihood that those who don’t are simultaneously pointing their fingers at you.
It’s no longer surprising to us when an individual who appears to have the least self-awareness makes a bold, critical statement about their coworkers’ lack of self-awareness.
How does this happen?
Why Emotional Intelligence Is So Hard to See in Ourselves
The challenge with emotional intelligence is that there is almost no way for a person to know when they lack it. These skills aren’t taught in school, and few of us were raised in emotionally intelligent households. Add to that the fact that Americans are particularly susceptible to the cognitive bias of illusory superiority—genuinely believing they are smarter, more capable and more self-aware than those around them.
For many people, emotional intelligence remains an intellectual concept. They’re familiar with the claims about its importance, perhaps from articles they’ve read or conversations they’ve heard. Many erroneously believe they have high EI simply because they consider themselves naturally gifted—or, frankly, because they believe they are far more awesome than everyone else.
Unfortunately, high emotional intelligence rarely comes naturally. It cannot be cultivated through intellectual understanding alone. Even those who had strong role models or early opportunities to develop these skills likely have areas where growth is still needed.
The reality is this: if you haven’t devoted significant time to actively developing your emotional intelligence—and we mean practicing self-examination and incremental behavioral change on an ongoing basis—your EQ is probably not as high as you think. And even for those who do actively work on it, there are always trouble areas that still need attention. Without exception.
Start With Yourself
So when people ask us what they can do about that other person on their team who is clearly lacking emotional intelligence, our answer is always the same:
Start with yourself.
We all have blind spots. Although we may be completely unaware of them, others can spot them from a mile away. Your teammates can see your emotional intelligence shortcomings just as easily as you can see theirs.
Ironically, the more certain you are that this can’t possibly apply to you—the more convinced you are that your emotional intelligence is already high and doesn’t need work, and the more adamantly you argue that the problem is them—the more likely it is that your EI could use some attention.
Developing emotional intelligence requires a great deal of humility. We have to be willing to come face-to-face with our own flaws. This part of the process isn’t always easy or comfortable, but it is absolutely necessary if we want to grow.
Conversely, the more willing we are to acknowledge our shortcomings (and we all have them), and the more actively we seek feedback from others, the more likely it is that our emotional intelligence is developing.
Final Thoughts
Developing emotional intelligence is a lifelong endeavor—but one that is well worth the effort. The ability to effectively manage our own emotions and understand those of others pays significant dividends in the form of increased cooperation, collaboration and effectiveness—not to mention greater satisfaction with both work and life.
If this is an area you would like to work on or develop, let us help you. We support individuals and teams in developing a healthier, more accurate view of emotional intelligence—both their own and that of those around them. We use assessments, facilitate discussion and provide training to support the healthy growth of emotional intelligence.
