Whenever you have a group of people working together, conflict is bound to happen. That’s because we all have our own unique ways of thinking, acting, and seeing things. In fact, we teach our clients that it’s healthy for teams to engage in conflict when “conflict” refers to the constructive debate of ideas and team decisions.
On the other hand, there are other types of conflict that are not-so-healthy. These include:
- Personality clashes
Politicking
Competitiveness
The good news is that much unhealthy conflict can be avoided if you take a few intentional steps to prevent it.
Step 1: Be Courteous and Respectful
In the workplace, people are constantly sizing one another up to determine which of their fellow team members are friendly, helpful, and trustworthy. We often form judgments about who a person is and what their intentions are based on surface impressions such as their appearance, mood, and outgoingness.
We also base our impressions of people on the interactions we have with them. No matter how small, every interaction you have with someone influences the way they perceive and relate to you. Ensuring that all of your interactions with others are positive, courteous, and respectful will go a long way in creating a favorable impression.
Behaving in a courteous and positive manner makes it less likely for your coworkers to take what you’re saying the wrong way – and more likely for them to be willing to cooperate with you. If you’ve built a favorable impression by being polite and respectful over time, it can also buffer potential conflict in the event that something does go wrong.
Step 2: Prevent Misunderstanding
Misunderstanding lies at the heart of much unnecessary conflict. Maybe we didn’t clearly understand what the other person has said, or they haven’t clearly understood us. Maybe we both have a different understanding of the same task or procedure. Misinformation and miscommunication can make two people with a common goal feel like enemies at cross-purposes.
You can prevent the misunderstanding that leads to conflict by following these steps:
Listen attentively
Set aside distractions and give the person who is speaking your full attention. Research has proven that multitasking greatly reduces our effectiveness, so don’t try to fool yourself into thinking you can listen effectively while you’re engaged in another activity (and this includes thinking about what you’re going to say next!).
Communicate clearly
Don’t expect others to read your mind. Take the time to share all the information they need to fully understand your message. Remember your purpose, and make it clear what you want them to do with the information you are giving them. Are you looking for an opinion? Do they need to take action or follow up in any way?
Check for understanding
You may think you’ve understood the other person perfectly and communicated your thoughts clearly to them, but there’s only one way to be sure—ask them. Take a minute to recap your understanding of what they’ve said and ask them to do the same to verify that you are both on the same page.
Clarify as needed
If your understanding check reveals that information was incomplete or misunderstood, take the time to clarify. Keep checking and clarifying until you are both clear on what needs to be done.
Step 3: Engage in Self-Management
If you notice that one of you is becoming angry or upset, or you can feel that conflict is brewing beneath the surface, take the time to step back and engage in self-management.
Keep control of your emotions
This doesn’t mean stuffing your feelings down and pretending they aren’t there. Rather, it means being aware of your emotions and handling them effectively. This may involve taking a break, taking a few deep breaths, or expressing your emotions in a productive way if appropriate.
Think before you speak
If you are discussing a sensitive subject or can feel yourself becoming emotional, take some time to think before responding. Our first gut reaction in a heated situation is often not the most productive or appropriate thing to say. Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want here?” and “Is saying this likely to get me that outcome?”
Check your assumptions
Just like checking for understanding, it’s important to check that your assumptions are accurate. If we weren’t invited to a meeting, we may jump to the conclusion that someone is trying to exclude us or keep information from us. In reality, there may be many explanations – including that the organizer simply forgot. Take the time to find out what really happened before reacting.
Step 4: Know When (and When Not) to Engage in Conflict
As much as we all desire peace and harmony in our relationships, there are certainly times when conflict is necessary. For example, if you’re being taken advantage of or mistreated, you may need to engage in conflict to stand up for yourself.
At the same time, there may be many small instances that are not worth your time and energy to confront.
Learn to differentiate between minor infractions and important matters that must be addressed. Ask yourself:
– What will the impact of addressing this – or not addressing this – be?
– Is this a one-time incident or a pattern of behavior?
– Will I have continuing contact with this person?
- – What’s at stake?
Final Thoughts
Unnecessary workplace conflict rarely starts with bad intentions – it usually grows out of small misunderstandings, unchecked assumptions and moments where communication breaks down. By being intentional about courtesy, clarity, self-management and discernment around when to engage, leaders and teams can prevent many conflicts before they take root.
Of course, not all conflict can – or should – be avoided. When differences do arise, having the skills and support to address them constructively makes all the difference. With the right approach, conflict can become an opportunity to strengthen trust, improve communication and move work forward more effectively.
