We’ve all been there. There’s that one person at work who doesn’t like you. Maybe they’re jealous of you or intimidated by your abilities. Maybe they refuse to recognize your contributions no matter how hard you work. Maybe they’re just jerks at heart who are experts at perpetuating negativity and false impressions.
Whatever the reason, they’re draining your energy and making it difficult to get the recognition or advancement you deserve.
Dealing with a coworker who is undermining you is tough—and it’s even harder when that person is your boss. The good news is that there are ways to succeed despite the negative efforts of a saboteur.
3 Tips for Dealing with a Saboteur
1. Check Your Assumptions
Your boss walks in with a scowl on her face. She stomps past you without saying hello.
She must be unhappy with the report draft you submitted.
Or is she?
The human brain is constantly trying to make meaning out of what we observe. First, we notice a behavior. Then we scan our memory for similar past experiences, generate thoughts and emotions and quickly arrive at a conclusion about what the behavior means.
This process happens so fast that we rarely notice it—but the problem arises when we assume the meaning we’ve assigned is the one-and-only truth.
What if it isn’t?
Maybe your boss had an argument with her spouse on the way to work. Maybe her budget was cut. Maybe a project was rejected. Maybe she has a stomach ache or is dealing with a family issue. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all.
When you find yourself assigning a negative meaning to someone’s behavior, pause and ask yourself: What else could this mean? Generate as many alternative explanations as possible.
If the opportunity is appropriate, you can also ask directly. Start by stating your observation and your tentative interpretation, then invite clarification:
“Carol, I noticed you seemed upset this morning and didn’t say hello. I wondered if it might be related to the report draft I sent. Is that true?”
In many cases, you’ll discover your assumption was inaccurate. You’ll feel relieved, and the other person will likely appreciate the chance to clear the air.
And if your interpretation is accurate? As uncomfortable as that may be, it’s still better to address the issue openly than to let it fester beneath the surface. Addressing it directly signals that you care and positions you on the same team—often transforming a potential enemy into an ally.
2. Check Yourself
Ever hear the saying “It takes two to tango”?
Even if you’re not engaging in sabotage or negative politics, it’s possible you’re contributing in small ways without realizing it.
At any given moment, there are millions of stimuli we could notice—but the human brain can process only three to seven at a time. To cope, the brain filters information based on where we direct our attention.
If you focus on the idea that Bob is trying to undermine you, your mind will start collecting evidence to support that belief and filtering out anything that contradicts it. If, instead, you focus on the idea that Bob is a supportive team player, your mind will do the opposite.
The same situation can feel completely different depending solely on what you’re focusing on.
But there’s more.
What you focus on doesn’t just shape what you notice—it also shapes how you behave.
Think about how you interact with someone you trust and feel positively toward. You smile, say hello, ask how they’re doing, listen openly and consider their feedback—even when it’s critical.
Now think about how you behave around someone you believe is trying to sabotage you. You may barely acknowledge them. You don’t engage. And when they offer feedback—your defenses immediately go up.
That shift in your behavior strongly influences how the other person responds to you.
In the first scenario, you’re perceived as cooperative and approachable. In the second, you may come across as cold, uncooperative or unwilling to examine your own blind spots. The other person may then respond in ways that feel like sabotage—complaining about you, blocking opportunities or giving unfavorable reviews.
More often than not, sabotage issues can be resolved by checking assumptions and checking yourself. Approaching the situation with curiosity instead of accusations and aligning your behavior accordingly can significantly improve the relationship.
But what if you’ve done all of that—and it still isn’t working?
3. Take the Broad View
It’s easy to believe someone else has the power to sabotage your career—especially when that person is your boss. But the truth is, no single individual has that much control.
Yes, your boss may have the authority to deny a raise or promotion. But they don’t have the authority to deny you all opportunities for growth, advancement or fulfillment.
Your career is bigger than this project, this role or even this organization.
Depending on the size of your company, there may be alternative paths available internally. And regardless of where you work, there are always opportunities elsewhere. If you stay true to your values and continue to perform well despite difficult people, someone will notice.
As discussed earlier, your mind notices what you focus on. If you focus on the belief that this person controls your future, that’s all you’ll see. But if you focus on the reality that opportunities extend far beyond this individual, new possibilities begin to appear.
Don’t give a bully more power than they actually have. Ultimately, the only person who truly controls your career is you.
Final Thoughts
Working alongside someone who feels like a saboteur can be exhausting—but it doesn’t have to define your experience or your trajectory. By checking assumptions, examining your own behavior and keeping a broader perspective, you put yourself back in a position of agency and strength.
