As a manager, you know that people often behave differently depending on whether you’re in the room. Because of this, you may rely on information from others to stay aware of what’s really happening on your team. In fact, you may count on employees to alert you to serious issues that need your attention.
But what do you do when someone takes this “reporting” too far?
How do you deal with a tattletale?
Before diving into how to address tattling, it’s important to clearly define what should—and should not—be considered tattling.
What Tattling Is (and Isn’t)
Tattling Is Not:
– Reporting issues of misconduct
– Speaking up about discrimination, harassment, bullying, or other forms of abuse
– Raising safety concerns
- – Reporting legally or ethically questionable behavior
Tattling Is:
- – Complaining about petty or trivial incidents that have little impact on actual work
- – Bringing interpersonal issues to a manager that should be resolved without their intervention
- – Pointing out minor infractions by coworkers
- – Reporting behavior that doesn’t violate laws, company policies, or accepted standards of conduct
A good litmus test for identifying tattling is this: you typically feel more annoyed with the person complaining than concerned about the issue they’re reporting.
So…you’ve got yourself a tattler. Now what?
Address the Right Issue
Tattling Jane comes into your office to tell you she was offended by her coworkers discussing their political views at lunch. As far as you can tell, no one was being argumentative or offensive—but Jane felt the conversation was inappropriate.
You care about your employees and want everyone to feel comfortable, respected and happy. Your mind searches for a way to satisfy Jane without cracking down on everyone else.
How do you address the issue of lunchroom conversations?
You don’t.
When you try to appease Jane, you’re allowing her to define what the problem is. This often creates tension among other employees and distracts you from the real issue—Jane’s tattling.
Some managers can clearly see that the lunchroom conversation isn’t the problem, yet still fall into the trap of appeasing the tattler. When they fail to reprimand coworkers, Jane begins to view the manager as ineffective. From there, the manager may become the next target of her complaints—to peers, to other leaders, or even to senior management.
The most effective way forward is to address the actual issue directly.
That might sound like:
“Jane, I understand you felt uncomfortable with the conversation your coworkers were having, but they weren’t violating any rules or policies. This isn’t something I have the authority—or willingness—to address. What does concern me is your habit of coming to me with these types of issues. It seems to be isolating you from your coworkers. I’d like to establish clearer guidelines around what types of concerns are appropriate to bring to me.”
Don’t Encourage the Behavior
Sometimes managers unintentionally encourage tattling—both subtly and overtly. In many cases, a tattler’s motivation is to make themselves look better by making others look worse.
Know-it-all Nick casually mentions that Rhonda was three minutes late from her break.
“Okay, thanks,” you reply.
The next day, Nick reports that John didn’t refill the copy machine.
“I’ll talk to him,” you say.
Before long, Nick is delivering a daily list of petty grievances. He’s come to believe you appreciate this behavior—and that it makes him look good.
While an occasional comment may be harmless, allowing it to become a pattern is dangerous. Be careful not to reinforce tattling by doing the following:
Don’t:
- – Thank or praise the employee for tattling
- – Publicly agree with the tattler’s perspective
- – Compare the tattler favorably to others (“I know you always refill the copier, Nick.”)
- – Seek out the tattler when gathering information
- – Reward tattling behavior with promotions or desirable assignments
Get HR Involved When Necessary
If tattling continues after you’ve addressed it directly and taken steps to discourage the behavior, it may be time to involve HR. A formal warning or appropriate disciplinary action is often enough to communicate that the behavior is unwelcome.
Another helpful resource can be coaching—both to uncover why the behavior exists and to create a plan to change it going forward.
We can help.
Final Thoughts
Tattling can quietly erode trust, damage team dynamics and pull managers into unnecessary conflict. By clearly defining expectations, addressing the real issue and refusing to reinforce unproductive behavior, leaders can protect team cohesion while still maintaining transparency and accountability.
